So this weekend I’m packing my husband into a car and waving him off hundreds of miles up the country to spend a year at University. He’ll be back for holidays and some weekends but essentially after many, many years of living together we will be living apart for the next year. This isn’t the place to write about how proud of him I am (though I am hugely) but I do want to share how this process is forcing us us both to look afresh at how and in what ways we take each other for granted. We’re seeing how over the years our behaviours have moulded into a set of well worn practices and adjustments. Over time in a relationship our actions (& inactions) become unspoken, implicit, and the familiarity of our reliance on one another often forms a ring of care around us which is loving and comfortable.
Yet at the same time familiarity can breed contempt, or less harshly, we take each other for granted. So whilst it’s going to be a huge change for both of us I’m also eager to see where it will take us. I have a feeling it’s going to be good for us. It’s making us reflect on the things we do for each other and the emotional support we give one another. Rather than staying in that comfortable safe pattern we’ll be able to explore new experiences, our relationship will have a new rhythm to shake it up. And I’m betting we’ll learn to appreciate each other all over again and for different things.
Our life together is so precious together,
We have grown – we have grown,
Although our love is still special,
Let’s take our chance and fly away somewhere alone,
It’s been so long since we took the time,
No-one’s to blame,
I know time flies so quikly,
But when I see you darling,
It’s like we both are falling in love again,
It’ll be just like starting over – starting over
And it’s got me wondering about what we miss out on by not shaking the tree occasionally.
At work, as at home, it’s easy to slip into our comfy slippers and relax into well worn roles. Who in your team is doing what they’ve always done because they’ve always done it? I bet there’s someone who is always there with a kind word and thoughtful touch, do you and the team take that emotional support for granted?
What might happen if you shook things up and found new roles and challenges for everyone? What latent talents, enthusiasms might be hidden by the comfort of routine, what new beats might the team move to if you suggested you listen to something new for a change, or try a different approach. We all like to think we’re moving and shaking with the best of them but I reckon most of us default to the norm more often than is healthy. As a manager, as a colleague, I think part of my role is to shake that tree and make sure that no one is being left under a shady spot without enough light to help them bloom.
So just like we’re doing at home I’m going to spend some time thinking about the teams I work with, do some checking in with them and make sure people aren’t taking each other for granted or making assumptions about who does what and why. It could be just like starting over..